THE SHOE BOX
THE SHOEBOX
A man and woman had been married for more
Than 60 years.
They had shared everything. They had talkedAbout everything.
They had kept no secrets from each otherExcept that the little
Old woman had a shoe box in the top of hercloset that she had
Cautioned her husband never to open or askher about.
For all of these years, he had never thought
About the box, but
One day the little old woman got very sick
And the doctor said
She would not recover.In trying to sort out their affairs, the little
Old man took
Down the shoe box and took it to his wife’s
bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should
know what was
In the box. When he opened it, he found
Two crocheted dolls
And a stack of money totaling $95,000.He asked her about the contents.
‘When we were to be married,’ she said, ‘
My grandmother told me
The secret of a happy marriage was to
Never argue. She told me that
If I ever got angry with you, I should
Just keep quiet and crochet a doll.’The little old man was so moved; he had
To fight back tears. Only two
Precious dolls were in the box. She had
Only been angry with him two
Times in all those years of living and loving.
He almost burst with
Happiness.‘Honey,’ he said, ‘that explains the doll, but
What about all of this money?
Where did it come from?’‘Oh,’ she said, ‘that’s the money I made from
selling the dolls.’
A Prayer…….
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand
My man;
Love to forgive him; And Patience for
His moods;
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I’ll beat the crap out of him,
and I don’t have time to crochet.
For those of us over 30
If you are 30, or older, you might think this is hilarious!
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning…. Uphill… Barefoot… BOTH ways. yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it!
But now that I’m over the ripe old age of thirty, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today. You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don’t know how good you’ve got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!
There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter – with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!
Child Protective Services didn’t care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!
There were no MP3’s or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!
Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We’d play our favorite tape and “eject” it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that’s how we rolled, Baby! Dig?
We didn’t have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that’s it!
There weren’t any freakin’ cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn’t make a damn call or receive one.. You actually had to be out of touch with your “friends”. OH MY GOD !!! Think of the horror… not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there’s TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are.
And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent… you just didn’t know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
We didn’t have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like ‘Space Invaders’ and ‘Asteroids’. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen… Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no, what’s the world coming to?!?!
There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning.. Do you hear what I’m saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks!
And we didn’t have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that!
And our parents told us to stay outside and play… all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside… you were doing chores!
And car seats – oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the “safety arm” across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling “shot gun” in the first place!
See! That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You’re spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or any time before!
Regards,
The Over 30 Crowd
(Send this to someone you’d like to make smile)
HOW TO KNOW WHEN A WOMAN IS UPSET
HOW TO KNOW WHEN A WOMAN IS UPSET
Marriage Counseling.
A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a pasionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved, and unlovable. An entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the male therapist got up, walked around the desk, and after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow.
The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, “This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?’
The husband thought for a moment and replied, ‘Well I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.’