A man was suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he was referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The specialist asked him what his symptoms were and he replied, ‘I get these blinding headaches kind of like a knife across my scalp and….’
He was interrupted. ‘And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear?’
‘Yes! Exactly! How did you know?’ ‘Well I am the world’s greatest headache specialist, but I myself suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp muscles. This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes.’
Two weeks went by and the man came back. ‘Well, how do you feel?’ the doctor asked. ‘Doc, I’m a new man! I feel great! I haven’t had a headache since I started this treatment! I can’t thank you enough. And, by the way….nice house!’
Headaches
Housewife
A frustrated housewife decided her sex life needed spicing up after 20 years of marriage. After her husband went to work she slipped out and went into a lingerie shop and picked up a pair of crotchless knickers. She went home, tarted herself up and donned the new garment and selected a short skirt to go with it. She greeted her husband when he came home from work and sat across from him after she prepares him a drink. She slowly spread her legs,and in a husky come-fuck-me-voice says ‘Honey, would you like some of this?’
The husband looks between his ageing wife’s legs and lets out his breath, looking up at his doting wife replies, ‘HELL, NO! Look what it’s done to your underwear.
Golfer
A golfer stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity to his partner. He looks up, looks down, measures the distance and figures the wind direction and speed. The longer he takes, the more his partner fidgets.
Finally his exasperated partner says, “What’s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball.”
The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.”
“Forget it, man,” the partner says. “You’ll never hit her from here.”
New CEO
A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!
The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, “And how much money do you make a week?”
A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, “I make $300.00 a week. Why?”
The CEO then hands the guy $1,200 in cash and screams, “Here’s four weeks pay, now GET OUT and don’t come back!”
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off was doing here?”
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, “Pizza delivery guy.”
Married For 25 Years
A couple had been married for 25 years and was celebrating the husband’s 60th birthday. During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife said, ‘We’ve been so poor all these years, and I’ve never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world.’ The fairy waved her wand and POOF! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband’s turn. He paused for a moment, and then said, ‘Well, I’d like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me.’ The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.