Email Or Not

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband came into the kitchen.

“Careful,” he said, “CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them!

TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
They’re going 2 STICK! Careful.. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL!

You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?

Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget that. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”

The wife stared at him. “What is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”

The husband calmly replied, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around 8pm. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home.

“Where have you been?” demanded his wife when he entered the house.

“Darling, I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary and we’ve been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until eight o’clock.”

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, “You lying bastard! You’ve been playing golf!”

A man was suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief. After trying all the usual cures he was referred to a headache specialist by his family doctor. The specialist asked him what his symptoms were and he replied, ‘I get these blinding headaches kind of like a knife across my scalp and….’
He was interrupted. ‘And a heavy throbbing right behind the left ear?’
‘Yes! Exactly! How did you know?’ ‘Well I am the world’s greatest headache specialist, but I myself suffered from that same type of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension in the scalp muscles. This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes.’
Two weeks went by and the man came back. ‘Well, how do you feel?’ the doctor asked. ‘Doc, I’m a new man! I feel great! I haven’t had a headache since I started this treatment! I can’t thank you enough. And, by the way….nice house!’

A frustrated housewife decided her sex life needed spicing up after 20 years of marriage. After her husband went to work she slipped out and went into a lingerie shop and picked up a pair of crotchless knickers. She went home, tarted herself up and donned the new garment and selected a short skirt to go with it. She greeted her husband when he came home from work and sat across from him after she prepares him a drink. She slowly spread her legs,and in a husky come-fuck-me-voice says ‘Honey, would you like some of this?’
The husband looks between his ageing wife’s legs and lets out his breath, looking up at his doting wife replies, ‘HELL, NO! Look what it’s done to your underwear.

A couple had been married for 25 years and was celebrating the husband’s 60th birthday. During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife said, ‘We’ve been so poor all these years, and I’ve never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world.’ The fairy waved her wand and POOF! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband’s turn. He paused for a moment, and then said, ‘Well, I’d like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me.’ The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.