Email Or Not

A frustrated housewife decided her sex life needed spicing up after 20 years of marriage. After her husband went to work she slipped out and went into a lingerie shop and picked up a pair of crotchless knickers. She went home, tarted herself up and donned the new garment and selected a short skirt to go with it. She greeted her husband when he came home from work and sat across from him after she prepares him a drink. She slowly spread her legs,and in a husky come-fuck-me-voice says ‘Honey, would you like some of this?’
The husband looks between his ageing wife’s legs and lets out his breath, looking up at his doting wife replies, ‘HELL, NO! Look what it’s done to your underwear.

A golfer stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity to his partner. He looks up, looks down, measures the distance and figures the wind direction and speed. The longer he takes, the more his partner fidgets.

Finally his exasperated partner says, “What’s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball.”

The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.”

“Forget it, man,” the partner says. “You’ll never hit her from here.”

A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall. The room is full of workers and he wants to let them know he means business!

The CEO walks up to the guy and asks, “And how much money do you make a week?”

A little surprised, the young fellow looks at him and replies, “I make $300.00 a week. Why?”

The CEO then hands the guy $1,200 in cash and screams, “Here’s four weeks pay, now GET OUT and don’t come back!”

Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks, “Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-off was doing here?”

With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters, “Pizza delivery guy.”

A couple had been married for 25 years and was celebrating the husband’s 60th birthday. During the party, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.
The wife said, ‘We’ve been so poor all these years, and I’ve never gotten to see the world. I wish we could travel all over the world.’ The fairy waved her wand and POOF! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband’s turn. He paused for a moment, and then said, ‘Well, I’d like to be married to a woman 30 years younger than me.’ The fairy waved her wand and POOF! He was 90.

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. ‘Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family – but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!’
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, ‘What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?’
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, ‘Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.’