You Are A Disrespectful Pig
You Are A Disrespectful Pig
The Wife Came Home Early From Work And Found Her Husband In Bedroom Making Love To A Very Attractive Young Woman.
She Cried: “You Are A Disrespectful Pig! How Dare You Do This To Me — A Faithful Wife, The Mother Of Your Children! I’m Leaving You. I Want A Divorce Right Away!”
Husband Replied: “Hang On Just A Minute Love So At Least I Can Tell You What Happened.”
She Sobbed: “Fine, Go Ahead, But They’ll Be The Last Words You’ll Say To Me!”
And The Husband Began –
Well, I Was Getting Into The Car To Drive Home, And This Young Lady Here Asked Me For A Lift.
She Looked So Down And Out And Defenseless That I Took Pity On Her And Let Her Into The Car.
I Noticed That She Was Very Thin, Not Well Dressed And Very Dirty. She Told Me That She Hadn’t Eaten For Three Days.
So, In My Compassion, I Brought Her Home And Warmed Up The Enchiladas I Made For You Last Night, The Ones You Wouldn’t Eat Because You’re Afraid You’ll Put On Weight.
Since She Needed A Good Clean-Up, I Suggested A Shower, And While She Was Doing That, I Noticed Her Clothes Were Dirty And Full Of Holes, So I Threw Them Away.
Then, As She Needed Clothes, I Gave Her The Designer Jeans That You Have Had For A Few Years, But Don’t Wear Because You Say They Are Too Tight.
I Also Gave Her The Underwear That Was Your Anniversary Present, Which You Don’t Wear Because I Don’t Have Good Taste.
I Found The Sexy Blouse My Sister Gave You For Christmas That You Don’t Wear Just To Annoy Her, And I Also Donated Those Boots You Bought At The Expensive Boutique And Don’t Wear Because Someone At Work Has A Pair The Same.
The Husband Took A Quick Breath And Continued: “She Was So Grateful For My Understanding And Help That As I Walked Her To The Door, She Turned To Me With Tears In Her Eyes And Said,
“Please … Do You Have Anything Else That Your Wife Doesn’t Use?“
Two Women were chatting in office..
Two Women were chatting in office..
Woman 1:”I had a fine evening, how was yours.. ??
Woman 2:”It was a disaster.. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes and fell a sleep.. How was yours.. ??
Woman 1:”Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner.. After dinner we walked for an hour.. When we came home he lit the candles around the house..It was like a fairy tale!
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work..
Husband 1:”How was your evening.. ??
Husband 2:”Great.. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep.
What about you ??
Husband 1:”It was horrible. I came home, there’s no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill; so I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that i didn’t had money left for a cab. We walked home which took an hour and when we got home i remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house!!
Dinner With Blonde
A blonde woman is invited for dinner at her cousins house and as they only live a few blocks apart the blonde lady has walked there. As the blonde is getting ready to leave it starts pouring with rain. The cousin has had a few too many drinks at dinner so says to her blonde cousin “why not just sleep the night here and you can head home tomorrow when it’s stopped raining or I can run you home as I’ll be sober then”
The blonde agrees so her cousin goes to get some blankets. When she comes back with the blankets she can’t find the blonde anywhere. Half an hour later there’s a knock at the door. It’s the blonde, completely drenched. The cousin says “What are you doing ? Where have you been in the rain I thought you were going to sleep over?” “Yes I am ” says the blonde “but I had to go home to get my pyjamas”